Kitchens: Do them right

Kitchens- we all have one, but yours is WRONG. Let's prepare a meal together in a classic* kitchen and in a modern† kitchen. In a classic* kitchen, you use a good old cutting board to prepare your food. Nothing is wrong with it, but nothing is good. Whereas a modern† kitchen uses a Surfboard. We recommend that you use the surfboard at least twice at the beach before use in the kitchen. Now, when you use your cutting board, you get a little sea-salt pizzaz on your food! Next, you take your hotdog out and begin to cut it into the traditional 20 cubes. But just as you begin the slow process, the knife slips and slices into your hand. Long story short, you only have 9 fingers now. And 11 toes, but that’s neither here nor there. NO!!! This is not the way it should be. And, with the Hot Dog Cutter, your hotdog will be safely cut into the correct amount of pieces in no time. No loss of fingers required! Now, you have just spent the last couple hours of your life preparing a meal for yourself and, if you are lucky, no one else. Usually, you would just set this on a slab of wood on top of wooden sticks. Not in the modern† kitchen you wouldn't. Pull yourself up to a bar on the ceiling and hang onto it with your legs. You lay your food on top of what a classic*kitchen owner would call a Wine Rack. Now, when you eat, the nutrition goes right to your brain and you get smarter. FACTUAL! Just don’t eat too much because then you might fall off the pole. You’re now sitting comfortably and pick up your chopsticks to begin eating your food. As you do, you realize that you picked completely the wrong utensil. Your 20 beautiful hotdog pieces are far too slimy for use with chopsticks! So you begin the long trek to the kitchen to get your fork- or do you? If you have a modern† kitchen, you don’t! All you have to do is flip over the chopsticks and bam! A fork! Why can you do this, you ask? Because in a modern kitchen, you have the Chork!

*Boring

†Awesome

Ew